Saturday, January 3, 2015

Should I Adopt the Baby?

"By 35 years old, if 'the one' is still not around, I'll adopt a baby," I told myself that- written in my journal actually.

Marriage and having kid/s really came knocking in my door lately- by lately I mean a year or so ago. I always thought that I would remain single forever, that I won't get married, like, ever, coz ewww, depending on other man for survival is against me and my beliefs. I saw my mom struggle after my died pass away. I told myself that I would never, ever depend on any man. I won't get married and have kids because I don't want my future kids to experience what I experienced, if ever my future husband dies early- like what happen to us. And I also has fear that my future husband will die young because, according to them, the mole on the side of my nose is bad luck, dinadaanan daw ng luha and that means my husband will die young. As stupid as it is, I believed it for the longest time- made me an anti-marriage and anti-having-kids even more! Hail to the mole on the side of my nose!

It was only a year or two, when I became financially literate, that the fear of marriage and having kids to raise disappear. It was replaced with yearning to start my own family. It comes with age, I guess, and this woman's biological clock,too. I know, it's against feminism to believe in biological clock, but I don't consider myself feminist- I am independent, not a feminist(okay, not a full-blown, hardcore, extremely feminist, ya know what I mean? I am not really an expert with feminism thing, as you can probably tell.)

Why am I bitter? I asked myself. The commenter in my last two posts, God bless his/her heart, gave me an idea why. It's because I sacrificed a lot- from working abroad and forgetting/learning to let go of my happiness to saving money like a madwoman just so I can help my family get out of poverty.  My attempt to be different from the aunts, who somewhat left a scar within me, failed. That maybe, just maybe, I could have done things differently. I could have treated my niece just how my aunt treated me before- from all the belittling that I received to you-won't-go-anywhere-if-it's-not-for-me feeling. Maybe, if I applied the same tactics, my niece with learn to despise me and, in turn, would not be one of those teenage moms OR maybe I envy  my niece so much because I didn't have the same opportunity as she now has, and she wasted it. 

Why do I blame myself so much? For that, I have no answer. The feeling of bitterness and disbelief is still raw, and I know in time, I will learn to accept it all.

Back to the question, should I legally adopt the baby? Part of me says yes, but the little voice in me says 'NO.' No because my niece should learn a lesson, that she should face the consequences of her actions, that maybe it won't occur to her that "okay lang naman that I'll slip up, Tita will save me naman in the end."

Despite the bitterness that I am feeling, I asked her what her plans are, I  don't want to intrude in her decisions- I can only suggest, but not intrude. It's her life, I don't want to spoonfeed her with decisions. I want to still help her with school and all if she really,really wants to go back to school. Things will be different, she won't be the carefree college student she once was. I'll give her second chance, and if she screw it all up again, I won't help her anymore. Fair enough?

Gosh, what happened to that kid who blushingly and secretly told me when she got her very first period? Seems like yesterday and now, she will become a mother.
I worry about her younger sis, would she follow in her older sister's footsteps? 

Times are hard. If only pre-marital sex is openly talk about in the dinner table in our culture.


  1. Hey, my college bestfriend got married at the age of 36 still got 2 kids afterwards (nagkaron pa un ng miscarriage un ha).
    Actually ganyan din ang nararamdaman when I was at ur age, "kelangan magkaron na ako ng sariling pamilya" kc ung mga kapatid ko may kanya kanyang gf tapos kanya kanya na sila ng focus, feel left behind ako after all the sacrifices I made din. Nakipagdate din ako kaya lang may phobia naman ako sa lalaki kc alcoholic naman father ko.
    Dont worry, maganda at bata ka pa mahaba pa oras mo to find the "one" kapag dito ka na sa Pinas, baka di mabenta beauty mo sa mga kano (just kidding) paniguro dito sa pinas marami makakapansin sa yo.
    God Bless!!!

    1. Hindi talaga ako mahilig sa 'kano, Miss Grace. I don't know why. If ever I get married, gusto ko pinoy. Sharing the same culture matters most to me kasi. I am just one of those weirdo who thinks differently, I just put it at that lang. hahha.

      Since I know that you are single too, diba ang hirap mag date when you are out of college na? That's why they said that college is the best chance to look for lifetime mate coz, when you are out of college, ay ang hirap na! Focus na kasi sa career and going out to look for dates and such comes second na. Career comes first than hunting for mates, diba? Then one day, you just realized that you have a flourshing career but no honey. By the time you come to realize that, your mind is condition na on being alone and you don't have the guts and confidence to go out there. For me naman kasi, na hihiya na ako to go out there na and look, I am use to being alone na talaga. LOL.

  2. If i bump into you here in cebu, swear, ma star struck man jud ko ba! Haha. Sorry for sounding so creepy but in all honesty, you're one of my personal finance idols. Happy new year, miss!

    1. Me, a personal finance idol?! I'd take that! What a great compliment!!

      Thanks! :)

  3. I really want to say that you should adopt the baby, but I think that it would be wiser not to. First of all, like you said, she should face the consequences of her actions. You're giving her a way out and she might depend on you to bail her out whenever she screws up. You can always help her out every now and then, but you can't just swoop in and make it all easy for her. She won't learn anything from it.

    Also, I sincerely think that there's always hope to find someone to love and someone who will love you. ;-) It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. Always remember that everything will work out in the end. Never lose hope.

    1. I know you are a good girl, Florlin. Study harder, and don't be one of those teenage mothers, okay?

      In my point of view, you can probably tell how much it hurts knowing that my niece is pregnant and will become a mother at 18. I can't imagine how it feels like on the parents.

      Seeing your kid become succesful in life is the best gift your can give to your parents and to those people who support you.

  4. hey girl, i was contemplating to comment because i always tell myself that i am just dropping by ;) anyways, i can't resist so here i am…

    as per your question to adopt - my answer is No! she is still young and able, she can manage for sure. we have a mother's instinct and we will do anything for our children.

    don't rush for love or for children, it will come it it is really meant for you. i was at your age when i long for a family of my own. i think it comes with the age and situation. when ur financially free and no other material things makes u happy, then you wish a feeling to belong- just like masslow's principle of needs. it keeps on wanting for more.

    When i was 35, I just wished for a beautiful daughter even without a father but luckily i am also blessed with loving and kind husband. With your wit and beauty, i am certain somewhere out there is waiting and meant for you. Include it in your mantra! Ciao!

    1. Thanks for your point of view about my niece's baby, we share the same feelings about it.

      I am not in anyway rushing to get married and to have kids. At my age, ang hirap na kasi to go out there and date, especially na I am use to being alone na. Nahihiya na ako to talk to others, and if hindi ko lakasan ang loob ko, why hello single blessedness! haha.

      Ang dami kayang 'ipapakilala' sa aking through my friends and such, but man... I always turned them down. One even joke na "sus, ipapakilala lang naman, hindi naman marriage agad agad," hahah!

      I have a super complicated personality kasi, just one of those weird people on earth. I am not desperate to find a mate, but if someday dadating, then good... if hindi, I know na I will be okay.

      Knowing that you can make it with our without a mate matters most, diba?

    2. And the unsolicited advise is a no from me. I met my loving husband one month before I turned 30. Unexpectedly. So tama nga yung sabi ng mga olds, darating at darating din ang 'the one' when I least expect it. My former officemates in the previous company used to have a pact that when we turn 30 and no bf yet, we will adopt a baby then. Luckily, the guy I met swayed all those thinking (hindi ko pa siya nun bf ha) Literally, nameet ko pa lang talaga siya. As in, fb friends pa lang. Hindi pa rin textmates. 3 months afterwards pa kami naging magkachat sa messenger at fb. And the rest is history na nga.

      Kaya with your looks and wit, darating din ang para sa yo. In His perfect timing. With your neice naman, yes, merong mother's instinct talaga. Ako, I thought kaya kong iwanan ang baby girl ko to go abroad after giving birth, hindi pala. Talagang yung bond ibang iba. Kaya I salute yung mga mothers out there, away from their children dahil ang lakas ng loob nila.

    3. Hey HappMe,

      Awww, ganda namn ng lovestory mo sis!

      Your "NO" vote is being considered, and to tell you, we share the same feelings about it.

      Thanks naman. If dadating, dadating, diba? Huwag lang madaliin. :)


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