"She's pregnant or he becomes a drug addict," two news an OFW doesn't want to hear.
Yah, it's a taboo. These things are never talk openly, and by posting this, I wish to voice those hidden feelings an OFW face in this kind of situation.
I thought I am a role model enough to my niece. I beat teen pregnancy to the curb by focusing on the goal to take my mother out of poverty. Teen pregnancy were rampant back then, but I chose abstinence. I told myself that 'if I get pregnant, I'd rather hang myself.' As weird as those words were, it worked!
Now that I am 28 years old, still practicing abstinence, I get judgemental about teen pregnancy, "Pfft, weaklings..." I'd often say, but there are things in life that happens to humble you, and I think I found mine.
I found out that my 18-year-old niece is pregnant, and I am devastated. Man, it hurts!
I got high hopes for her. I saved up for her college, secured it before deciding to come home for good (I already talked about this in a blog or two.) Saving up for her college education was one of the many goals I achieved. I told her to look at her mom and their current situation, to make it as an inspiration as she work her way through college life- these strategies helped me before, but sadly it didn't work for her.
She wanted to be a flight attendant, she is pretty alright- I am not saying that because we are related, but a lot of people said she is, that she can be a flight attendant personal appearance-wise. I supported her in her ambition. I told myself that I won't let her experience what I experienced- begging for tuition fees and tuition fees were not given without having the feeling of "pabigat ka" thrown at you, I even heard from people I looked up to that I would turn out pregnant coz I am slutty (I talked about it in my About Me post before, dig it up if you haven't read it yet,)- I told myself that this time around, I won't let my niece experience what I experienced coz I know how it feels like and it sucks big time, and sometimes these things follow you for life, I wanted so much to save her from those.
What we've been through shaped us, make us what and who we are. I am a strong proponent of abstinence and celibacy because of what I've been through, things I heard, etc., and to strongly think that my niece would follow in my footsteps, minus all the things I experienced, is wrong, super-duper wrong.
She is my niece and I still got hurt, how much more if she is my daughter, I can't imagine how it feels like- triple or even million siguro ang sakit!
"Are you pregnant?" I messaged her.
"Are you pregnant? It's either a yes or a no. You owe me an answer, you know." I messaged her again because she didn't answer my first message.
"Yes, tita, I am. I am so sorry...." Her reply.
It sucks, but oh well. At least she didn't secretly abort the baby because I am one of those close-minded, hardheaded pro-life. I'm thinking of legally adopting the baby if she wants to. May instant baby na ako! Let's see how things will turn out.
Now that I am 28 years old, still practicing abstinence, I get judgemental about teen pregnancy, "Pfft, weaklings..." I'd often say, but there are things in life that happens to humble you, and I think I found mine.
I found out that my 18-year-old niece is pregnant, and I am devastated. Man, it hurts!
I got high hopes for her. I saved up for her college, secured it before deciding to come home for good (I already talked about this in a blog or two.) Saving up for her college education was one of the many goals I achieved. I told her to look at her mom and their current situation, to make it as an inspiration as she work her way through college life- these strategies helped me before, but sadly it didn't work for her.
She wanted to be a flight attendant, she is pretty alright- I am not saying that because we are related, but a lot of people said she is, that she can be a flight attendant personal appearance-wise. I supported her in her ambition. I told myself that I won't let her experience what I experienced- begging for tuition fees and tuition fees were not given without having the feeling of "pabigat ka" thrown at you, I even heard from people I looked up to that I would turn out pregnant coz I am slutty (I talked about it in my About Me post before, dig it up if you haven't read it yet,)- I told myself that this time around, I won't let my niece experience what I experienced coz I know how it feels like and it sucks big time, and sometimes these things follow you for life, I wanted so much to save her from those.
What we've been through shaped us, make us what and who we are. I am a strong proponent of abstinence and celibacy because of what I've been through, things I heard, etc., and to strongly think that my niece would follow in my footsteps, minus all the things I experienced, is wrong, super-duper wrong.
She is my niece and I still got hurt, how much more if she is my daughter, I can't imagine how it feels like- triple or even million siguro ang sakit!
"Are you pregnant?" I messaged her.
"Are you pregnant? It's either a yes or a no. You owe me an answer, you know." I messaged her again because she didn't answer my first message.
"Yes, tita, I am. I am so sorry...." Her reply.
It sucks, but oh well. At least she didn't secretly abort the baby because I am one of those close-minded, hardheaded pro-life. I'm thinking of legally adopting the baby if she wants to. May instant baby na ako! Let's see how things will turn out.
hey pinas for good.. is she in college now? sad to hear that but lets support her nalng this time. for sure kailangan nya ng moral support. I understand ur feeling kasi nga u have dreams for her.. but wag lng mawalan ng pag-asa. gamitin nya kamo ang anak nya na inspiration para makamit ung dream na maging flight attendant. .i am mother na ren my anak na maliit pa un din ang isa sa mga worries ko baka mabuntis ng maaga.minsan my tiwala tau sa mga anak natin , pero ung mga tao sa paligid pwd sila mapursuade. mabrainwash /ma temp/mabola sa tinatwag na pre-marital sex.
ReplyDeleteHey,
DeleteShe is in her first year college now.
I wanted so much to support her, but I can't seem to pass through the bitterness that I am feeling now. I told myself that I won't be like my aunts who belittled me, that to her and her sister, I would do things differenty. I was a good aunt to her,I think. I showered her with advice, on how to deal with boys,etc., but sadly, it wasn't enough.
As creepy as it is, she is exactly following her mother's footstep. Same age, same first year, second semester when her mother -and now her- when she got buntis. How I was able to break the cycle! But sadly, hindi :(
I already reached up to her, asking her what's her plan and all. It's already there, right?
I am bitter, it's normal I guess, but as what you said, she is young and she needs moral support. I am hoping that I would get past bitterness that I'm feeling now.
Goodluck with your baby girl, by the way. Times are hard on raising kids, right? I read a study once that girls who are close to their fathers delays pre-marital sex more than girls who doesn't have close/personal relationship with their fathers.
Cheers, my friend.
I understand ur side pa ren Miss Pinas for Good, dont u worry.. It's normal na magagalit ka and all that bitterness! I guess malalampasan mo yan, it will take time lng, not now lng.and yeah i know uve been so good to them. ive read almost 90% of ur post : hehehe,.. Just ask God help to heal all that negative feeling in a right time .Naiintindihan ko ung feeling na you deprive urself of all the things u want inorder to help them.. but in the end na disappoint ka. I feel u kasi naranasan ko yan hindi man exact na situation na nabuntis ,pero ung feeling na tutulungan mo ung ibang kamag anak mo para makaahon, but then sila mismo hindi nila tinutulungan ang self nila.. konting hirap lng suko na sila.tpos hingi tulong ulet.. until na magreklamo ka at maglabas ng sama ng loob mo, tpos mamiss-understood pa nila. alam mo ung point na gusto mo sila tulungan hindi naman ako naniningil eh, akin lng itayo nila ung self nila para hindi mo na alalahanin pa.. kasi khit pano ako my gusto ren marating at bilhin.. pero wla eh.. hehehe . ive been that.. i guess hindi naman ganun ang family mo.. thankful lng ako nalampsan ko na ang bitterness na un.. with God's help! araw araw ako nagdadasal na lawakan ang pag iisip ko na intindihin nlng sila..
Deleteactually i admire you.. bihira ka! and thankful ako na napunta ako sa blog mo...nainspire mo ako! don't worry girl trials lng yan sa samahan ninyo as tita and pamangkin.. just motivate her na hindi porket nabuntis na sya titigil na sya sa mga gusto nya marating.. i know someday God will reward u sa lahat ng sacrifice na ginawa mo for ur family.. Godbless you girl!
DeleteYour words are inspiration to me! Thanks a lot! Do know that I keep it in mind and my heart. In God's time, I will accept it all. I know I can, I guess it's too soon pa, but I know I'll get over this. :)
DeleteMaybe she needs a different sort of push to inspire her to do well. You had your dream to raise your mother out of poverty, and hers might be her baby. I agree with the first commenter, she needs your support more than ever now. And having a baby should not stop her from achieving her dream, although she may have to rethink her ambition of being an FA now since I think single moms won't make the cut as an FA (but I may be wrong).
ReplyDeleteHey Ate Jill,
DeleteI am getting there, but bitter pa si Tita. It still raw, the feeling of bitterness. I already reached up to her few minutes ago, asking her what's her plan and all. I'm trying my best to move past this. This too shall pass, I guess.
Oh dear, I just read ur blog today. I understand ur frustration, parang iba na kasi ang kabataan ngayon dito, last christmas I just saw my pamangkin/inaanak 13 yrs old & dalaginding na & somebody told me tita may bf na yan. I ask my cousin, bakit hinayaan mo--ang bata pa nyan. Hay naku Grace, nabugbog na yan ng ama tuloypa rin, kesa sa kalye ligawan hinayaan ko na lang makilala sa bahay. Iba na kasi ngayon e. Siguro kelangan talaga ng constant guidance ng kabataan ngayon, it's not too late bata pamangkin mo - matutuloy pa nya ang pangarap nya after. Nakaka-frustrate talaga but then she needs your support & guidance pa rin.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Ms Maria!!!!
Times are hard on raising kids, sigh. Plus sex is never talked about in our culture among family, so mahirap talaga. Kids nowadays want to grow up fast. Hinay hinay lang mga bagets, you will eventually get there.
Delete