The Things I Did For Him

I am still at the anger stage of grief. I can’t sleep well. I can’t eat well. I’ll go out with my friends, probably watch a movie or something (Solo: A Star Wars Story), just to distract myself from these awful things I’m feeling. I feel like I can’t breathe. I am

angry at him, for not grabbing all the chances that I gave him to make his life better. Here are the things I did for him and some of the awful things he did to us:

• I sent him to rehab for 3 years. He said he was ready to change and I believed him. Cost: almost Php 300k
• I helped his daughters with tuition fees.
• Gave his wife money so she can study nail art. She has a very good job now. They’re separated.
• Yah, the rehab did work.  He got fat. We saw a big change but then he had falling out with his group. I don’t know the reason. He relapsed. 
• I was still abroad when he relapsed. I don't have any idea about that. I gave him money so he can look for a job. I don’t know exactly how much, but I supported him.
• I sent a total of ten boxes to prepare myself for my pinas for good moment. I instructed them not to open it until I get home. Pagdating ko dito, all of them were either pawned or sold. Hindi naman ako nag kulang sa kanila ng padala. He asked sorry. I forgave him. After all, stuff lang naman ‘yon. They could be replaced.
• They also pawned my land title to my lola. Nagka-utang din sila doon. I still forgive them.
• He turned my mom into a punching bag. When I returned home, ang daming pasa ni mama. But still, I let it pass. Baka things will get better, I thought. Besides, I wasn’t there when those things happened. 
• He said he wanted to start over. He’d like to go to his friend’s farm and probably find a job there. Naniwala naman ako. I gave him Php 10k. One week later, bumalik. But I still forgave him.
• I bought him a jeep with franchise( Cordova-New Bridge) Php 250k. It was his dream. I made it happened for him. I thought, “Hey, he could drive, my mom will have her sari-sari store and younger brother and I could work= happy family.”
• He became very abusive. When I was in the process of constructing my house, he was one of the workers with Php 350 per day. He never contributed anything at all, but that’s okay, I thought. He said kasi na he was helping her daughters. I found out na hindi totoo.
• I found an injection in the bathroom and I confronted him about it. That was the starting point of our downward spiral.
• He became very abusive to my mom. One time, I went out but before finally leaving home, I was standing in front of my house and I heard him shouting at my mom asking for money. 
• We had confrontation and arguments two times. He was shouting, throwing things. I said sorry but I told myself and I also told him na if this is going to reach three times, I will call the police.
• It happened the third time. I overheard him shouting at my mom to fetch water. I told him, "Why don't you do it yourself?". He was just watching TV lang naman. He was shouting and throwing things again. Being true to my words,  I called the police. Super abusive na eh. Doon ko na pinalayas. Why would I let someone abuse me in my own house and ako pa ang nagpapalamon sa kanya? NO.FREAKING.WAY.
• I secured a restraining order. He was shouting and making a scene outside. He chased me with a knife. It was the most humiliating moment of my life.
• I'm glad that at that time, the jeep had a flat tire so he wasn't able to take it. He left and he took the newly-bought battery and the stereo plus 2k. I was advised by the tanod to give him 2k so he can go to Pagadian. He never reached Pagadian. He was texting pa my relatives asking for money coz nag land trip lang daw sia and he was stuck in Dipolog.
• He had been texting me threatening things. I hired a security guard for a month coz I felt like he was going to attack anytime.

And so that’s the story. 

I wasn’t the only one who helped him. Before I went abroad, my paternal relatives had been helping him na. Sooooo many chances, all of them gone to waste.

Now tell me, I have all the rights to be angry, right?

Done watching “Solo”. Daenerys was there. Vision was there. 

I’ll rest my eyes and my heart for tonight.