Wednesday, July 11, 2018

On Kids and Marriage



Almost all of my cousins are married and have kids (even mg ex and my cousin already have a kid!) as well as most of my batchmates and friends. I’m 32 years old and I don’t feel like getting married and having kids. Is there something wrong with me? And oh, I’m straight. 

My 94-year-old grandma is worried about my situation. Originally, she was worried because she thought (or maybe she is still thinking) that I  was (or am) still affected by my ex getting married with my cousin. She surprised visit me last month and she kept pushing me to get married and that I will be miserable if I don’t get married. I asked, “Is marriage the only form of happiness?”

All of my cousins in Pagadian don’t share my views about marriage and kids, that’s why I don’t feel like visiting them because the discussion turns to: Oi, when are you getting married bah? I don’t want to get married just to make me feel complete (because I know it won’t complete me), I don't want to have kids just because I want someone to take care of me when I get old. I always ask myself: Am I normal? Why don’t I feel the urge to get married or have kids? Until now, I don’t hear my biological clock ticking. Am I really normal?

My family just don’t understand. It’s my choice. I hope they’ll understand that and I hope they’ll respect my choices in life. 

8 comments:

  1. It's natural. I certainly didn't feel the need to get married. I just did because I wanted to, not needed to. Already felt whole on my own and with financial stability, I felt no need for a man in my life. Unfortunately this is something most pinoys cannot grasp.

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  2. hay, thank you for this post! 32 year old straight lawyer here and i cannot, for the life of me, fathom why i have to get married. they see it as a deficiency jud. maka bweset!

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  3. "I don't want to have kids just because I want someone to take care of me when I get old."

    ^THIS! The last time na nakausap ko yung mga same age friends ko (late 20s), tinatanong nila kung kailan na ba ako magkakaanak. (Eh wala pa nga ako asawa!). Maganda daw kasi may anak, lalo na kung marami, kasi sino daw mag-aalaga syo pag matanda ka na? Para rin daw may matatanggap ka buwan2x pag nagkasweldo sila.

    Ano yun? Gagawain kong retirement fund yung mga anak ko? Kaya nga ako nagpapakahirap magtrabaho ngaun para may mai-save sa future at para di ako mag-alala at kaya ko alagaan sarili ko. I do want kids but not for those reasons they stated.

    "My family just don’t understand. It’s my choice. I hope they’ll understand that and I hope they’ll respect my choices in life. "

    Yeah sis! Choice mo yun. If you're family keeps on telling you otherwise, just listen with your right ear and let it out with your left ear. Makinig ka lang sa kanila but keep doing your own thing. Wala nmn sila magagawa kung ayaw mo talaga. And there's nothing wrong with you! Maraming tao na ayaw mag-asawa at magkaanak! Hindi lang sila masyadong vocal dahil na rin siguro sa kultura natin kung san maraming mga matatanda na nage-expect na lahat ng mga tao ngayon kailangan mag-asawa at magkaanak. Kasi yun yung ginawa nila. Kaya iniisip siguro nila na ganun yung standard. Na ganun yung normal.

    Pero, basta masaya ka sa ginagawa mo. At masaya ka sa choices mo, at wala kang sinasaktan. Ganun yung normal.

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  4. You're not alone Maria. I think Millennials are more open-minded when it comes to having a family, marriage, and sexuality.

    It all boils down to having respect towards other and to yourself. In short live and let live.

    But for the culture in the Philippines, the default status is having a family. I don't get it and learn to let go and walk away. It's pointless to exert energy trying to explain which we do not owe to anyone, in the first place.

    I hope that kind of culture goes away in time. I live overseas and Filipinos do not ask personal questions to the citizens by birth because it's considered impolite. You can't ask the age, salary, marital status etc. unless they tell it to you first which is unlikely to happen.

    But when they see a kababayan, they'll ask anything. And say "You should get married. I have a nephew/cousin who is also single blah blah blah." Not again.

    You don't even know me. Hay. Nakakahighblood. Let's live in peace and respect. You are perfectly normal Maria so keep on travelling, blogging, and enjoying life to the fullest.

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  5. In other cultures, being single or having no kids or both is a normal thing. People should learn to respect other people's choices. Kaya lang, sa Pinas, society dictates that a person should get married and build a family by having kids. I still think that we should be given a choice to live the life we want as long as we don't disobey the laws. :)

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  6. Im 23 and never had a boyfriend and people are asking me paano ko nakaya na walang boyfriend? Like WTF. I dont have to know their entire life pero doon ko mllman kung gaano sila kalandi tlga.

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  7. Chill and pray for God's best. And btw, you're normal! :)

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