Thursday, February 13, 2014
How Personal Finance Erased My Fear of Marriage
If you ask me if I want to get married 7 or 8 years ago, you would have gotten a stern " Hell, No!!" The thought of marriage and having children sent a chill down my spine. Hey, I don't hate marriage,I respect the Sacrament of Matrimony but my bitter experience gave me a lot of fear for it here's why:
My Mama came from a well-to-do family. My maternal grandparents owned several business in Cebu. In fact, Mama had a nanny until she got married and move to the province. My Papa was from Pagadian City, he went to Cebu to study and rented a room . The owner of the boarding house where my Papa stayed was my maternal grandparents. They met, fell in love and you know what happen next.
Mama got pregnant and they got married. My grandparents were dismayed but they accepted Papa coz they saw that my Papa put an effort, he helped in my grandparents' businesses for a while until he decided that they would move to Pagadian and live there for good. Mama learned housework the hard way. I know it wasn't easy for her coz she wasn't use to doing housework being that she was sheltered from the harsh way of life by her parents.I don't know if she like our life in the province or not. (See our old house here)
When I was in 3rd Grade, my Papa died. We transferred to Cebu to live with my maternal grandparents. We were spoiled to the core by them. I got to eat bacon every morning. We got our own help and I was sent to a private school with huge money as my ba-on and was dropped off and picked up by a driver. What I want, expect Lola to give it right away. In short, it wasn't the bamboo-and-nipa-hut kind of life until the day my Lola died. You see, she was the business-minded one and when she died, their businesses collapsed. My grandparents didn't teach their children the ins and outs of their businesses ( a typical Filipino trait) and my siblings and I got sent to Pagadian to live with my paternal grandparents with my aunt and her two children.
Life there was tough. It was far from the life back with my other grandparents. I woke up super-early to clean (they have business and I have to clean the whole place). Money as my ba-on was so little it was enough to go to school and go back home. I slept with the the house-help. I do tons of laundry while my cousins were just sleeping. I was accused of taking 500 pesos! God knows how much I shed a lot of tears and God knows how I wish my Papa was still alive so he can say something to my aunt ( she was the mean one, my lola isn't) or so I don't have to live with them. (Read my little rant here and in the end, I am thankful for the hardships I experienced)
There in Pagadian, I vowed not to get married coz I don't my future children to experience what I experienced. I don't want to get married coz I am afraid I'd end up like my mom ridiculed by my aunts and uncles (dad's side). The hardest part was them ridiculing my mom in front of us ( Mom was living in Cebu ) and I couldn't say something to defend her coz we are at their mercy.
Life now is different. I am not afraid of marriage coz I know that when I get married and if my partner dies, I won't end up in the mercy of other people coz I have prepared for it. I won't end up sending my children to relatives and they won't end up like me and my siblings.
I'm not afraid of marriage anymore but, it doesn't mean I am looking for it. It's just that when someone super-special comes, I won't have to fret about and run away from it like I always did in the past.